This morning on my Snapchat memories, there was picture from my birthday in 2015. I showed my mom the picture and commented on how much I’ve changed in these past 3 years. My mom said something that I found interesting and true. She made the comment that as pretty as I looked in the picture, the me I am now seems happier and more real. What a neat thing to hear! It’s taken me a long time to finally feel like I’m going to be okay and genuinely mean it. I used to be very strict in how I felt. If I woke up happy, the whole day had to be happy. If I woke up mad, I had to be mad the whole day. Now, I am more confident in saying ‘I woke up happy, but right now I’m not feeling the best, lets take a few minutes to process it and get back to a good day.’ I am working really hard on staying in a medium area, a grey area.
Today I turned 26. All week I have allowed myself to do little things that made me happy. I got my hair colored, I bought a new desk chair, I had a birthday lunch with my parents, I ate out with some extended family and I’ve had lots of sweet little gifts and notes from friends and family. I have been so blessed this week with tender mercies.
As I lay here on my bed typing this, I am just so thankful for everything that has happened these past few months. Since meeting my current therapist, I have become a version of myself that I didn’t even think was possible. I struggle every day, having high functioning OCD is not an easy thing. But I really feel like the tools I’ve learned are truly paying off. Sure, I don’t drive right now and I still struggle getting to church. However, I am going into grocery stores, talking more, doing more around the house and doing pretty well at school.
Things don’t come as fast as you want them to, but after feeling so empty and alone for so long, any success feels amplified. If you are struggling, please be patient with yourself, I know it’s a lot easier said then done. Please remember that you are amazing and that you are allowed to do what’s best for you regardless of what others think. I never in my whole life expected to be living with my parents at 26. I never expected to have gone through the trials I have gone through these past 6 years. If I could go back and tell my 13-year-old self something, it would be… ‘be patient with yourself and know that your life story is yours, own it.’ I hope you are all doing well. Thank you SO much for your support, it truly means the world to me! And as always remember… You Got This!!!