To start off I want to wish all of you a Happy Mother’s Day! I am so blessed to have such amazing women in my life. I have a wonderful mom and amazing sisters, grandmas, aunts, cousins and friends.
Living with undiagnosed OCD has been the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. As I look back at some of the hardest times in my life with the knowledge I have now, I am amazed at how much I’ve pushed through. As I have been reflecting on how I wanted to do my Mother’s Day post I’ve jumped around a few ideas but then a picture popped into my head. The picture to the right is the picture my dad took of my mom and I when got off the plane after serving an LDS mission.
April 3, 2013 was the day my life changed forever. It was the day that I gave my mom the biggest hug and left for what I thought was going to be a year and a half. Most people talk about leaving their families at the MTC excited and with tears of joy. Mine were tears of fear. I was so scared to leave, but I knew it’s what needed to happen. On LDS missions (according to the standards in 2013) most Sister missionaries served for a year and a half and we only video chatted with our family on Christmas and Mother’s Day. We weren’t allowed to call our families either. We had one day a week where we could write and email our families but that was it. Before my mission I had been at college and really never left my moms side. I would call her between classes and go home almost every weekend. Leading up to my mission my mom and I spent every day off together; shopping for mission clothes, seeing movies and attending the temple. When I left, it was hard but I got used to it. About 4 months into my mission things got hard. I’d get ‘I love you’ cards in the mail and wouldn’t be affected. I had intrusive suicidal thoughts and honestly didn’t know if I was coming home from my mission. After serving 5 months my parents and I knew it was time for me to come home and get help. The day I left Ohio I travelled on a plane by myself. I went from Ohio to Minnesota and then from Minnesota to Salt Lake City. I felt so alone. I felt like a failure, I felt physically sick and I was just trying to make it home. When I got out of the airplane and headed down that escalator, I saw her. I saw my mom. I burst into tears. And even typing this now I get choked up. Seeing her was like seeing a glass of water after being dehydrated.
I remember embracing her and feeling so safe, safer than I had felt in months. I remember not wanting to leave her side. It took a while for me to be on my own. When I went to hair school, she was there quite a bit being my model for everything. She let me give her manicures and pedicures. She went through multiply bad haircuts and even let me give her a facial. I remember a day at the hair school where I was curling her hair and I had a panic attack. She left the school without all the curls done and took me to lunch. After talking with me, she brought me home and let me cry. After Hair school she was there for me when I moved out and came back for me when my life fell apart.
After moving to Richfield, she has been with me almost every day. Her and my dad have taken 1 overnight trip in the past 2 years and have gone on day trips. Every time I cry and every time the thoughts don’t seem to leave, she is there. Either holding me or rubbing my back or asking how she can help. She has sat in the car through a bunch of my college classes, knowing that I was too scared to drive. On top of this she is still being an amazing wife, daughter, sister, friend, grandma and mom to her other kids.
As far as support systems go, I have the best one. I am beyond blessed to have her. I wanted to publicly acknowledge her hard work and sacrifices. It makes recovery so much more bearable when you have someone to cry with and someone who can come out and say ‘you are too stressed… lets go see a movie.’
I have always said this and always will… my mom is my best friend and I love her more than anything. Happy Mother’s Day Beautiful! Thanks for all you do.
I hope that today, you can think about the women in your life and recognize the good they do. As always remember… You Got This!